A few years ago, I sat on a therapist’s couch in a beautiful old brownstone building in Boston, listening to the rain trickling down outside.
My mind was going a thousand miles per minute.
I felt trapped and paralyzed all at once, like I desperately wanted to escape, but I couldn’t move a single cell in my body.
She looked over at me and asked, “What do you want?”
It felt like I had a gun to my head.
This question – What do I want? – has been running on repeat through my mind ever since. This single question has caused me to quit my job, travel throughout Europe, work at a hostel, start a meditation practice, begin my yoga teacher training, read so many books I’ve lost count, start this blog, write unil my fingers go numb, and, most of all, get closer to remembering who I really am and what I’m here to do.
Now, as a life coach and a health & wellness practitioner, whose biggest goal is to create space for women to relearn who they are, I’m so much more at ease when I hear this question. So, what’s my answer now? What DO I want?
I want to help the world.
I can see too many of us shutting down, holding ourselves back, cowering in our own fear.
I can see too many of us questioning our worth, wondering if we are good enough.
I can see too many of us settling with what we’ve got because we are too scared to ask for what we want.
I do what I do every day because I know we are better than this, and I want to remind you of that.
I spent a lot of my teenage years turning away from myself. I was so desperately trying to change to fit into what everyone else wanted or expected from me, caring so much what they thought, that I didn’t care when I changed so much to the point I was no longer me.
All I wanted was to be accepted.
I cared so much about fitting in, about being funny, and about getting attention, that I didn’t care that I was literally forcing myself to be someone I wasn’t.
All I wanted was to feel like everyone else.
I tried so hard to be in love that I let myself be treated terribly for many years. I allowed myself to be taken advantage of, to be stripped of my identity, and to be okay with it, because I thought that equated to worthiness.
All I wanted was to be loved.
Thankfully, I slowly started to save myself, to put my broken pieces back together. I traveled and saw new parts of the world. I got a degree. I started practicing yoga and I discovered my connection to something more. I allowed myself to receive and feel true love.
What do I want?
I want to help remind women that they have the power to change their lives.
I want to remind women that they have an inner voice, a deeper knowing, that will guide them to happiness if they listen.
To remind them that they deserve a big life, full of happiness, not just a life of settling.
To empower them to take action on what they truly desire.
Because every day that I can do that – every day that I can help a woman lift herself up out of darkness and into her light – I am doing what I’m meant to do. What my soul was created for. What I’m truly here for.
And that is to create space for healing.
For relearning self-love.
For connecting with your inner answers.
For true, world-changing, transformation.
Every day that I can do that, I’m living on purpose, with purpose.
And I am coming back home to my true self.