A Picture of the Future

I used to tremble at the question “What do you want?”.  From anything as serious as a boyfriend confronting me about our future together, to something as ridiculous as a pimply teenage girl impatiently waiting for me to order my Subway sandwich. It was insane, and actually pretty disabling.

Once I graduated college, I felt the heaviness of this question even more. I felt like I had pushed myself so hard along a particular path with no meaningful reason as to why. I studied advertising and graduated top of my class from a great school (with a whole bunch of student loans behind me), because that seemed to be the right thing to do. But why? Where was that coming from? What did I actually want from all of it? Where was it taking me next?

I started to become terrified and paralyzed by this question. What do I want? Well how the hell am I supposed to know?! I was desperate, grasping at anything that I could cling on to that would give me any sense of reassurance that I was moving in the right direction – self-help books, therapy, bottles of wine + Netflix, you name it.

It seems like a lot of us are in this space of uncertainty right now, or have been there in the past, or at least visit this space from time to time. Some of us are lucky enough to know from day one what our purpose is, and can follow that through and rock their time on this planet pursuing their passion. But for most of us, I think we need to cut ourselves some slack. It’s okay to not know exactly what the future looks like. It’s okay to not have a clear cut picture of your path, and where you are headed, and how you will get there.

I’ve started focusing instead on the little things. The moments. The nuggets of truth that I know I can hold on to, because they make me me. The things that light me up, that make me excited to be alive. So now, I’m starting to view the future and what I want in a way that doesn’t scare me to death. Instead, I’m seeing the things that make up my future in a different way – in a way that inspires me to be open to the universe and the things that await me, because I am doing what I can do today to make good things happen.

I know I have a big future — full of love and travel and exploration, both inside and outside of myself. I have a future of deep connection and friendships, of spiritual growth, and of questions (many, many questions). I have a future of success and lessons, and of trial and errors. Of new opportunities, and of coincidences. I have a future of yoga, balance, and health and wellness. Of risk and reward, of inspirations, of sparks. I have a future of sunsets and beach days, of arguments and points to be made, of fireworks and comfort and lemonade on a hot day. I have a future of music, of dancing, of falling down. Of noticing, and caring so much it hurts, and letting things go because I have to. Of pictures, and colors, and of creation. I have a future of romance, and passion, and up-all-nighters. Of hiking and traveling and exploring this planet. I have a future of books and heartbreak and loss, of expansion and contraction, of restoring balance. I have a future of writing, and storytelling, and connecting to the universe. I have a future of speaking my truth, of following my heart, of passionately pursuing that which lights me up inside.

I have a big future. There will be laughter and there will be let downs, I’m sure of it, but always, there will be love. These are the things I know to be true. The rest of the details are just pleasant surprises to be had.

(The Short Version: Don’t worry if the picture of your future isn’t exactly clear. Just focus on the things that bring you happiness, move towards those things, and it will all sort itself out eventually.)

2 thoughts on “A Picture of the Future

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